/tech/ - Technology

i don't even know where to post this, im so desperate yet knowing fully that there is no cure.

i have ADHD.

i have this thing where there is X-thing that i cannot let my hand touch. if it does than it is "contaminated" (in my head)there for i must wash it or make it clean in my head. other things (household items and door and etc) could be touched by X-thing or my hand when it was "contaminated". and when it does i have to wash that thing or make it clean in my head. because the same rule when i touched x-thing applied.

i have the thing where it makes you forgot what you are doing seconds ago.

i have also "the thing" like above but far worse and is like having a evil voice in your head gaslighting and manipulating and lying about you yourself to harm you.

now done with background.
now for the real problem.

i like to do web archive of thread on CBIB's (leftypol and things alike) and also just saving web things in general. no, not in a internet hisorian or lost media or youtuber kind of way, far from it (saving web things in leftypolnco people kind of way). in one of those thread it have a epub file. so i use Calibre to open it. i not only use the "open with calibre opener" option but i also use the "open with calibre" option which creates the problem. using the "open with calibre" option open the main program. not the epub opener, but the main program. because i panick that something will happend with the file threr for making the archive inperfect, i cancel the loading that pop up in the main calibre program. but i took too long for canceling the loading thing because i panicked and overthink and question myself wheter or not i shuld cencel it or not. there for i cancel the download when its in the midle (+10% or something i don't remember).when i open the epub file it is error and i can't open it. yes i already try using the calibre epub opener and program other then calibre, it fail to open to. detour this is how i keep (some) files in my hardrive(:C): have a main loby -> have a sub loby that in this context is for "important things" -> this is where i keep the folder -> for folder(s) -> that eventually lead to the folder that have said problematic archive. now that i already tell how the files organize, return to tour. i eventually had a bright idea to replace the broken epub with a working version. so i copy a working version said broken epub to the sub-loby. then i copy again that epub, this time to replace the broken epub. it worked, i can now open the epub. but another problem float up in my head. i try to fight it but i can't. i now think that the archive that i have fixed is broken, even tho i have just fixed it seconds ago. more than that, and this one is a bigger problem. i now think that the entire sub-loby is "corrupted", imperfect, broken, altered and will spread it's imperfect and broken and altered status to other file and the new sub-loby i want to create if i want to replace the entire sub-loby with a new one. because i put the working epub for fixing the broken epub archive part. but it doesn't matter since i will just think like that wheter i put the working epub in the sub-loby or not. wheter i want to just move the file to the hypothetical new sub-loby or copy it to the hypothetical new sub-loby it is the same, the "muh corruption" thinking will linger and the new sub-loby, wheter it's just moving the files or copy the files, will just be "corrupted" and will spread to any new archive/files i add long after the new sub-loby is created. this "thinking" later spread to everything outside the sub-loby and now i think that the entire loby now is "corrupted". and it later too, also spread to my :D harddrive becoming corrupted to because that's where i save 100+ videos. and soon i will give up because internally screaming and internally being angry hurt my brain and make me sick.