/dead/ - dead

I'll try to express myself better in this postMy pain is largely existential, I've inherited a whole bunch of psychological fuckery/mental illness from my parents, misery, disorders, suppressed thoughts and feelings just runs in my family. I'm bitter over the fact that they gave me this existence. My emotional state is permanently fucked, I'm downright hysterical at times.I'm horrible at talking to other people, I'm disgusted by most people I know in my life, and anytime I actually do come across another human being that I find remotely likeable I get extremely nervous and embarrass myself in front of that person as I trip over my own words and look like a retard. I have no idea what I'm going to do with my life, I'm stupid, lazy, and terrible with people, I'm useless as can be. And hey isn't it fucking great that we're all alive right now? We're living at the end of history folks, global capitalism has given us a paradise in the form of ecological genocide.There's no need for silly idealism in this day and age, no you see we're a pragmatic society now, we live in the society of the spectacular, where anything is possible unless you suggest anything that goes against the global economic order in which case you're a stupid and dangerous idealist for not agreeing with the ruling ideology.

Not one to really talk here but sometimes expressing things in this way can become a self fulfilling prophecy.Being given advice can make you feel pretty shit, especially when it's cliche.If you have problems talk to a psychological professional not a fucking Maori kiddo diddling forum. That being said, i'm going to give you some advice anyways.Remember that you do not control over what is external to you but unless you are chemically fucked up you have control over your thoughts. Thoughts are not emotions. An emotion is a feeling, a thought is something like "I want to die."Happiness does not lie in changing your circumstances, unless you lack basic needs. It lies in changing your thought processes. That is not easy, but it's possible. Pic related.One strategy, practiced for thousands of years and proven effective is to constantly do things like>Write down three good things that happened today before you go to bed, this helps with nightmares too>Also write down counterarguments to self-defeating thoughtsex: If you thought "I am worthless" write down something about your worth. It doesn't have to be spectacular. Maybe even something as simple "I am worth something because I'm not dead yet.">Upgrade this until you are automatically attacking your self-defeating thoughts, make a game out of it, keeping score with yourself perhaps>Create some kind of mantraIt sounds like hippie bullshit but quote related comes from such a journal.I can't speak to people I respect very well either, much less women, but I have always found I get hung up on the feeling. The important thing is to feel nervous but do it anyway. I feel hypocritical telling you this bit since I struggle with this even so but most people don't really mind being talked to as long as they aren't doing something else. If you find it difficult to have something to say, don't say anything, ask them something, if you know they are interested in say, horses, ask them about that. Then, you can let them do the talking, and people will love you for letting them talk.>But comrade, this doesn't actually solve any of my immediate problems! It just changes how I feel about themyou might sayHow you feel about them is your biggest problem. You aren't going to solve any of your other problems, like capitalism, until you solve your inner problems.*end of preaching*

It's been a few days, I haven't killed myself (yet) though. So I guess should have something to say since somebody has miraculously replied to my bullshit.&gt&gt175>>Write down three good things that happened today before you go to bed, this helps with nightmares tooI suppose I could do this. I've started a journal that I write in very infrequently and usually only when I'm feeling awful enough to write down vague thoughts on feeling like shit.writing down any good things that happen might be a better and simpler way of going about it.>>Also write down counterarguments to self-defeating thoughts>ex: If you thought "I am worthless" write down something about your worth. It doesn't have to be spectacular. Maybe even something as simple "I am worth something because I'm not dead yet."It's hard to think of anything that I like about myself, but I could start with something like I'm not a totally awful person like a lot of people I know. >I can't speak to people I respect very well either, much less women, but I have always found I get hung up on the feeling. The important thing is to feel nervous but do it anyway. I feel hypocritical telling you this bit since I struggle with this even so but most people don't really mind being talked to as long as they aren't doing something else. If you find it difficult to have something to say, don't say anything, ask them something, if you know they are interested in say, horses, ask them about that. Then, you can let them do the talking, and people will love you for letting them talk.I'm almost wishing I had heard this part earlier in my life. This could have possibly helped me hold on to the last positive relationship I had with another human being. My way of trying to honestly communicate how I feel even to people I like, has been acting passive aggressive and thinking that would somehow tell them anything other than to fuck off. I've pushed people away from my life only to immediately regret it but never got up the courage to apologize to them, and it's too late now to regain these peopleAnyway this all probably sounds retarded but honestly thanks for your reply. It's not going to change my life most likely, but I sincerely appreciate your words and I'm willing to at least try and follow some of your advice since If I'm hopeless anyway I might as well try something before killing myself within a few years.

&gt&gt176>Anyway this all probably sounds retarded but honestly thanks for your reply. It's not going to change my life most likely, but I sincerely appreciate your words and I'm willing to at least try and follow some of your advice since If I'm hopeless anyway I might as well try something before killing myself within a few years.Im glad that I was able to help you in some way. The lights are going out all over the world again and we have to hold on to what we have left of humanity. What people really want deep down is to care for each other, as it's all we can really do, soI try and offer people some kind of support even if it's over such a frivolous medium such as an imageboard. Doing it helps myself as well as others, knowing my advice helps at least a little bit makes me feel I make a little bit of a difference and also practice what I preach a bit more.>writing down any good things that happen might be a better and simpler way of going about it.Remember it doesn't have to be anything>It's hard to think of anything that I like about myself, but I could start with something like I'm not a totally awful person like a lot of people I know. I don't think it would help to push these thoughts on to other people. It might feel good to hate on the other people around you, but it will only push you further into despair. Pic related. People around you may be truly horrible, but hating them wont make them any more bearable. Look for the good in people around you, and you may find some.In high school, I knew a person who was mean-spirited and everyone thought was an annoying asshole. I was forced to spend lots of time with them and found out he had a lot of problems going on and didn't feel that great about himself. When I offered support and advice, and tried to befriend him, become a sort of mentor, what I found was not only did he change greatly for the better, but so did I. When you support someone, they support you back. In trying to help other people solve problems, you can start to see solutions to your own. I suppose what I am trying to say is to not direct your hate outwards, but try and understand and neutralize hate. Hate is never good for anyone.

&gt&gt180(cont.)Many people who act hateful and disgusting act that way because they are going through something like you are. That doesn't justify their actions, but coming to an understanding of the people around you is the precursor to a solution. Again, this sounds like hippy bullshit but half of all personal social conflicts can be solved by taking a step back and trying to understand what the other person is trying to do. Always assume good intent of people around you, no one willingly commits evil. They may not be acting in your interest always, but they probably believe they are doing the right thing. If you keep this in mind, it's easier to approach "bad people" with a more levelheaded mindset and avoid creating conflict. Acting in a manner that is passive-aggressive or hateful will just breed more aggression and hate. If someone is insulting you or making you angry, or trying to force you to do something you don't want to do, don't respond with equal force. Being calm in the face of these things is the quickest way to diffuse the situation in your favor. I cannot stress enough how helping others helps your own state. Trying to help someone out in a similar situation I can guarantee will help you see solutions to your own. When it is just our own problem, it is difficult to think about it objectively, but when someone else has the same problem it is much easier to say "Oh, you should just do that." and then it's much easier to say "Why don't I do that?" and then doing it is just a step away. Just the other night, typing out my first response to your post, I realized the answer to a problem that bothered me for years. I constantly struggled with the idea of changing the world around me, fighting for socialism to seek happiness, to remove hardship, and the stoic ideals of learning to endure hardship, but when I explained it to you i realized that without learning to endure hardship, by changing yourself and your thoughts, you cannot remove hardships, and this is my biggest point.If you want to fight the world's problems, you must solve your own first. You will find that it isn't easy, and it seems like all the rest of life hardships just make it harder, but remember, creating strategies, changing your thoughts, and conquering yourself, will be the hardship that once overcome, will make the other hardships more bearable.I say this as someone who hasn't yet conquered themselves, but trying to cheer someone else on in their struggle is cheering myself on too.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dKZ6SFBkRVM&nohtml5=False basically transform this into your new thread theme. I know that all of this shit, the motivational quotes and the think positive message and all that sounds real cheesy and stupid. The difference between this and people saying "smile!" is that i don't think this stuff will magically make anyone magically change, but it provides a model to change yourself around, but that requires effort. You may feel like if you fail, that means you are lazy, that is the first trap that people often fall into, and it's self defeating. fighting against the belief you are lazy is the most important thing you can do. If you can defeat your belief you are lazy, you will stop being lazy, but if you believe you are lazy you will become lazy. If you can't find a reason to believe you aren't lazy, make one. That is the first and most difficult step to take, but once you take it you have the discipline necessary to handle all the others.I wish you luck comrade. Be the hero you are waiting for!